My Personal Truths of Life

I know every so often, people forward around cheesy emails with stuff like this in them, but these are my own personal truths of life. Some of these are not my own quotes, and some are a little bleak, but they still hold true to me.

* You CAN decide if you're going to have a good day or a bad day, but it's easier said than done

*The people you'll remember most, are those who hurt you.

*Everyone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed once in awhile.

*It's ok to feel completely overwhelmed sometimes, if only for a moment.

*Never trust an honest face, they are usually attached to liars.

*We will never truly "clean up" the environment.

*Everyone cries alone once in awhile. There is nothing wrong with it.

*You will grow apart from some of the people you love the most, and even forget about some of them and what they've meant to you.

*The greatest feeling is to laugh until you cry-and the flip side of that is that sometimes the only way to stop crying is to find something to make you laugh.

*You will never really know someone. Most people are lucky if they really know themselves.

*Life really is too short to hold a grudge.

*It's normal to want what you will never have.

*Whoever said "money can't buy you happiness" has obviously never been flat broke.

*Sometimes help will come from the most unlikely sources when you need it the most.

*Although it makes life hold more meaning to have a religious belief, doesn't make it right.

*Determination is the best quality to posses. With that, all others will fall into place.

*Even your best friend can betray you.

*Even if you aren't going anywhere, you should always dress up for Halloween

Paradelle

Shoving my hatred deeper and deeper
Shoving my hatred deeper and deeper
I pull away from my sanctuary
I pull away from my sanctuary
My sanctuary deeper, shoving deeper
I pull the hatred away and
Peel my rose petals from your lips
Peel my rose petals from your lips
I leave the lies to linger in you
I leave the lies to linger in you
Peel the lies from your rose to linger
in my petals, leaving you
alone in your death
Alone in your death
To drown in the silence that stagnates
To drown in the silence that stagnates
To drown alone in your silence in
the death that stagnates
Shoving your lips in my petals
to linger alone in my rose
peel away from the hatred that stagnates deeper,
I pull deeper leaving your lies to silence
The death....The sanctuary...
to drown in you.

My Subjective Judgement

I writhe and fall again in slow motion
and feed you the cliche life you're expecting:
picket fence, black tie, hopeless romantic, party of four.
We all reside in a box near the overpass,
some boxes just have better curtains and more windows
which marks the contrast between living and existing.
Defined by the contents of our wallets
this civilization, this abomination,
conceals animosity between clean sheets-
a six hundred dollar "egyptian cotton blend."
Freedom in this new millennium is not actually defined by being free,
it's being shackled inside 'American Gothic"
encrusted in Swarovski Crystals, and name brands to keep us blind.
The English language is trapped inside five hundred thousand words
that define us, but mean nothing as we are only equal to our number
that lies between hopelessness and supremacy, or 450 and 850.
A single being's entire existence
is only as crucial as a single wool mitten in the lost and found
at a run down elementary school that lies where 'Nowhere USA' meets 'Rodeo Drive'
Human life is subjective,
and only supreme amidst whispers in polite circles
where relative thinking is an art lost to the ages.

Lyric in Verse

Bring it with you or don't, but save a piece for me.

This nervous reaction, is what I come back to,
as I stutter through each moment.
It always comes back to this.

The song skips, stuck on a single lyric
we will never escape from.

It's running your fingers down a brick wall,
in a room with no windows
just ten lonely square feet.

Describe it in words only a child would understand,
but it's always the same melody
concealed by false covenants...
the vagaries of life.

Our presience should be trusted,
as gut feeling ignored, can alter which piece you take,
or which note will repeat itself in hopeless redundancy.

Take care which piece you choose.

Lost

*This is a poetry piece, if you couldn't tell

I let it slip away for a single fold in time
only to find it's been missing all along.
Compress it to a single moment,
the realization that you've lost control.
Pulling the skin from beneath my nails
to understand I stand alone
to understand the scars are mine
and they have been there all along.
To think I had escaped was infantile
and empty in this trust,
and I could beg and plead,
and squeeze the juice from it
as if it were ripened fruit...
but still it stands un-phased,
like it were pointing and laughing
with bony fingers of truth,
wrapped in lies,
confronted by time
but missed it's mark.
As I have missed my mark a million times
standing inches from it
but light years away.
As though a single breath would freeze in the wind
to reach this fold in time
I will not be mistaken.

My Lost Hope

I am at a complete loss on what to do, which is new territory for me, when it comes to someone else anyway. I always seem to have an answer, some advice or at the very least a witty retort when it comes to someone elses' problems. I will have to remain vague for obvious reasons...but what do you do when you see someone that is seriously struggling and you are completely powerless to help them?

She was vibrant, and amazing when we first became friends. She had ambitions, dreams, and an attitude to contend with, very close to her family and friends and very down to earth. Eight years later I see nothing left of the friend, confident, and partner in crime I had found so long ago. It seems that a handful of difficult experiences has lead her to drown herself in bad decisions, and whatever she can find that comes with a childproof lid.

As a friend, you want to be there for someone in their time in need. You want to be that shoulder to cry on, or their last resort for a ride if they need it. When does this become enabling? Am I giving them what they need to stay sick? I feel like I am watching a close friend with a terminal illness die slowly...and it is killing me. The only difference is that I know there is a cure for this, but it remains just out of reach. Everyone I talk to, gives me the same suggestion which is completely impossible at this point in time. How do you help someone that cannot, and will not help themselves alone? I guess only time will tell.

My Timeline

*I am going to preface this by saying it was originally written while I was fighting off some sleeping pills, so sorry if it gets a little off topic at parts.

So, I have recently come to terms with the fact that all behaviors, and actions come with a sell by date stamped neatly on the bottom in red ink. Everyone has a "timeline" and at certain points on this "timeline" there are dots in different colors telling you when it is no longer acceptable to do said action. The problem that I have is that this timeline is different for everyone. What is good for me at a certain age may be at a completely different age in another person. There are also specific choices in your life that can skew your line. Take your average conservative republican.....their timeline everything starts being unacceptable far before the normal person. Unless he has a lot of money then he can snort coke well into his forties and no one flinches an eye. That is another group that is completely different than the average joe.....famous and rich people. Now you have two different groups of the rich and famous. Group A: The "Role Models" or people who really care about the way their actions affect the people reading Us Weekly, and Group B: The "Dennis Rodmans and Pairs Hiltons" I don't think I really need to expand on what this encompasses.

Group A's timeline and the timeline shown to the public eye are actually quite different. While it should be wrong for them to drink before they are twenty one, many of them still do. It is inappropriate to 'party hardy" past thirty one or thirty two, but yet they still do that too. See the social timeline doesn't apply to Group A based on the fact that they can cure everything with a public apology or trip to the Park City mountains for a little Rehab. We as a public, appreciatetimelines.

Group B however, doesn't care about how people see them basically choose to remain a rebellious teenager into their fifties. I am sure in a boardroom somewhere, possibly salt lake there is a high ranked official in a very important company snorting cocaine of the boardroom table.

Another thing that can change your line is having kids. This TOTALLY changes it. For instance a 21 year old male college student....it is still socially anticipated, if not accepted that he will party 70% of his evenings, catch a LOT of tail, like-a-the football and drink of the beer. Probably live off campus with his buddies if he isn't in a fraternity. Now, take that same 21 year old male and give him a child....changes a bit. Assuming he took the high road and didn't bitch out on the other half of this scenario he isn't going to be doing most things listed above. It won't be acceptable for him to party, other than maybe once a month with his guy friends and would be lucky to be attending college.

I will agree that a lot of these things change by maturity level as well. I think that at some point we in ourselves decide where the different marks on our timeline fall. I am going to go ahead and do something completely out of character for me and quote the bible because this is a quote I have always thought was if nothing else, the one true line in a book full of babble, " When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

That being said, I don't think that some people should be allowed to write their own timeline. I have admitted before that I am an against the grain kinda girl, but I think there should be a general timeline agreed upon that will include the following points:

and forgive them stepping outside their

• If you're a girl, you shouldn't be allowed to wear spandex pants past the age of eight

• If you're a boy.....wtf were you doing wearing them in the first place? What is wrong with your parents?

• It is not acceptable to wear character shirts past the age of fifteen (and that is stretching it)

• It is not acceptable to hang out at the mall for hours once you get your drivers license unless you are actually shopping

• Past the age of 22 you really shouldn't be living in your parents basement unless you are pursuing a very expensive college degree and even that that's still pushing it.

• Past the age of 25 it is probably not normal for you to be a "usual" anywhere with blacklighting.

So, that is kinda what I got started. I left out a lot of stuff about social stigmas and hot topic issues on purpose because things are always changing. The major point to this is that at some point everyone needs to grow up. Realistically some will grow up sooner than others, and some people never will. It is just difficult when you feel that you have surpassed some of your friends on the maturity and responsibility scale...especially when they have a few years on you.

Bottom line: As much as we would like to think differently, age IS NOT just a number. Ask yourself what you want your timeline to look like, and I'm not just talking about silly style choices I've listed above. Hang onto immaturity forever and you will never understand the joy of living, feeling, and thinking like an adult.