First poetry piece to be posted to this blog. Timing could not be better.

Timeless

Words don't come so easy this time,
my dear, dear, friend.
A mouth once gifted with gab sits silent.
How can a person like me encompass your entire being,
with a few disheveled sentences.
What I needed, you embodied.
What I wished, you granted.
Those intrigues will never be lost in this,
this wasted time.
My skin crawls for what is lost,
in future generations,
and in myself.
The mistake of many, is the mistake of my own
I have taken for granted,
surrendered,
suffered those empty hands
the giving heart,
generous soul.
You will not only be mourned, or missed,
but forever defined
in this moment.
How could I be so selfish?
The books do not hold what you can
with your effortless grasp.
Timeless.
My fingers wrestle slowly
to hold to what is clearly amiss,
albeit lost in cause.
Forget you not.

*dedicated to Dwayne McCartney 1941-2009
Go in peace my friend.

My Story

When desperate times call for desperate measures, what do you do when you yourself are desperate? Not only myself, but the entire nation seems to be up in arms about the crunch currently. As a child of the eighties, I never really understood why they called the downfall of the economy in the thirties "The Great Depression"....well, because it was fucking depressing, that's why.

I've worked my ass off to get what I have in life, and it has not been an easy road. No golden cup, no silver spoon. In fact the odds have been stacked against me since I was a teenager. Despite my unwillingness to "play the game" most of my life I have managed to succeed. I have done things my way, and laughed in everyone's face while I did it.

I went against the grain in middle school...refused to participate in school functions and the "norm." I had no interest in the approval of my peers, and couldn't care less about my grades, or how I was viewed by those who had power over my young life. I came to a conclusion at this point in my life that no one was owed respect. It was to be earned. I have stuck to this notion into my adult life.

In Highschool, I would arrive when I wanted, go to whatever classes I felt would benefit me and spent the rest of my time at Denny's. I still managed to pass most of my classes and earned the respect of most of my teachers.

When I was sixteen, I got pregnant. Not surprisingly, I got ditched by the "man" who assisted me in getting into that situation. While everyone seemed to have an opinion on what I should do, no one really gave it the time and thought that I did as to how this would affect my life, and the life of my child. Despite everyone's opinions otherwise, I kept my child and decided I would show a metaphorical middle finger to anyone that thought I couldn't do this on my own. Despite the fact that this decision would close many doors to me in life, it was the choice I made. I know that it was the right decision for me. They do say that where one door closes, another opens. I have been lucky to easily find many open doors in my life, but currently I seem to struggle in locating those doors.

I have usually been willing to do whatever it takes to get ahead. I have done what I needed to do, and taken advantage of every great opportunity that has found it's way into my hands. Although I didn't go to college, I would like to consider myself fairly business minded. I am able to identify what is important, and prioritize it. Get it done, and if I cannot get it done I am able to find a way to delegate. Why can I not apply these same skills to managing my own life? One's life really is a business, in a way. Gotta turn a profit, stay ahead, and grow as a person.

When I got laid off from my most recent job, I honestly felt slightly liberated. The position I held at the time I left the company seemed to be a trap that I could never get out of filled with impossible missions....and man eating sharks. I thought it was a blessing in disguise and that I would have no problem finding a new job with the unique skills I had acquired over the years. Apparently prospective employers would beg to disagree.

So, nine months later, here I am. Twenty-five, happily married mother of two, and completely fucked. The only delegating I do is tell my son to take out the dog. A little over a year ago I was living the American Dream. How does it slip away so quickly? I had everything I had strived to achieve, and I had done it my way. I was so proud myself. I could stand up and say, "screw you cookie cutter versions of a well planned life." Now, I feel like I have no options available to me. I can't find a job, can't pay my bills, can't feed my family... and even when I am able to swallow my pride enough to ask for help...no one can oblige.

While I understand that this situation is most likely temporary, months of ongoing frustration can change a person forever....and also how I see life in general. You can only get your foot into so many doors, before you break your damn foot. I will still do things "my way." I will still take every opportunity extended to me, but I won't give blind trust to a company, and I will never get too comfortable in any situation or think that someone will be there to help me when I really need it. Even if you have favors to call in, doesn't mean there will be someone there to answer at the other end of the line. Lesson learned.

*Please note that this is NOT an open invitation to a pity party. Just making a long convoluted point.

My "Warm Place"

What is it about fall that keeps me completely enthralled every year? From the intoxicating smell of a fall evening to crisp cool morning air I am completely mesmerized each and every time the season begins. The feeling I feel in the first couple weeks when it really feels like fall is only comparable to the fresh feeling you get when you first venture into a new relationship. Unfortunately the break-up between fall and I is always harsh and cold...

I love Halloween...I find myself looking forward to it every year. Watching each festive house transform into a haunted mansion, crafty house with cartoon pumpkins, or a classically decorative home with gourds and hay bales always brings me joy. I find myself always wandering down the Halloween aisle at every store, no matter how many times I have already seen it.

Aside from the rich shades of the trees down every road I pass bringing a nice sense of calm, the excitement of the bustle of fall can almost be overwhelming at times. It is the start of the busy season. Holidays, work, gatherings... all this and I still welcome the Autumn air with open arms, and feel like I cannot wait for the next day to begin. Although the weather is chilly, it is my warm place.

My Occupational Hazard

Oh, Sonic Drive-in. The home of the Cherry Lime-aid, delicious toaster sandwiches, tater-tots, and the worst customer service in America. I will admit I am a hard person to please due to the fact that I have worked in Customer Service for so many years, but I wouldn't be shocked to find out that Sonic pumps marijuana smoke into the air there, because everyone seems to be working on only half a brain.

My Sonic journey began about seven years ago when they built their first restaurant here in Salt Lake City. My boyfriend (now husband) worked there. While he was working there I fell in love with their amazing menu....but not necessarily the staff that worked along side him. First off, the manager of Sonic actually smoked inside the store. Pretty sure that violates several acts, and policies. Not to mention that there was not a kind, or professional bone in her body.

After he stopped working there, I tried many times to eat there. However, I was always greeted with abnormally long wait times, rude teenagers, wrong food, and was charged incorrectly. Since there was a Sonic down the street from my house I went there often even though I always left feeling unhappy with my experience. This was at both locations near me (there was one right down the street, and another one suburb over). I had basically come to terms with the fact that if I wanted to eat their food, I would have to put up with these rather large blemishes on their service record and that it would take me about 45 minutes to get my food, get it fixed, and then get my charge fixed.

One particular occasion will always stand out in my mind as the absolute worst customer experience I had ever had. I ordered what I always got. The breakfast toaster sandwich Combo. The price has increased greatly since then, but at the time it was actually 2.99. I also got it Sonic Sized with a large drink and tots (NOT a Route 44 drink...which is what they always tried to give me). To upsize it I believe the cost was somewhere in the ballpark of 69 cents or so. When I got my food, they told me that I owed them 4.89. Basic math skills will tell you that even with prepared food tax, this is incorrect. I told the car hop that I think it is incorrect and I would like to see my receipt. He said he would go get it. About two minutes later, a teenage girl walks out to my car, introduces herself as the supervisor in a rather rude tone, cocks her hip to the side in a childish fashion and says "what's your problem?"

"I ordered the breakfast toaster sandwich combo for 2.99, sonic sized it, but my total is wrong. I would like to see my receipt." I said, probably a little irritated.

"There is nothing on the menu for that price." She said, and then laughed at me a little. So, I reached out my window, pointed to the menu board where the price is clearly listed and said, "What's that?"

At this point she threw her hands out, stomped her feet as if she were a toddler, and started screaming at me. I don't remember everything she said, but it was along the lines of me always coming in there and ripping off her store (which I never did, I would ask them to fix my food if it was wrong, and I hadn't been there in months at this point), and then proceeded to tell me that I couldn't come there anymore. I started screaming back at her that I wanted my receipt, they charged my card and I wanted my receipt....she refused to let me have my receipt.

During her tantrum, I was understandably upset. I pulled my car out of the stall and left, and while I was leaving the car hops came out and yelled at my car as I drove away. Another shining moment in Sonic Drive-In history. I really, and truthfully didn't eat there for about two years.

After a lengthy hiatus of my Sonic infatuation I decided it was time to give it another shot but was disappointed to run into the same problems. There was one evening where I ordered a Bacon Cheddar Burger Toaster (which I believe is called something different now). The reason I like this sandwich so much is because it comes with the most amazing Hickory BBQ sauce on it, and some mayo. When I get my sandwich I find that instead of my amazing sauce, I have ketchup. We asked that they come out and get my sandwich and make it correctly. After about two minutes they ring out to our menu board and say, "That sandwich doesn't come with BBQ sauce, it comes with ketchup." I had to argue with them to get them to make my sandwich with the Hickory BBQ sauce as advertised. When I finally got it back, it did have the BBQ sauce but was still also drenched in ketchup. I just ate it anyway.

I have since moved out to Sandy, which is about twenty minutes from where I used to live. Funny thing is that the closest fast food restaurant to me is.....Sonic Drive-in. I haven't been to this location before, so we decided to give it a shot. It had just opened and we took our family down to have breakfast. This was probably about a year or so ago. They had a special breakfast sandwich at the time that had sausage, and bacon on it...it looked amazing so this is what we ordered. When we got the sandwiches, there was no sausage. We pressed the red call button and let them know, they assured us it would be no problem and they would have that right out to us. So we waited, and waited, and waited. Mind you, I have a three month old baby in my car getting more aggravated by the moment.

Finally, after about 10 minutes we pressed the red button again and let them know that we were waiting for our sandwiches to be re made. We were greeted ed with a "What? What did you order?" I probably should not have been shocked at their incompetence, but I was. We told them what we were waiting for, and after about five minutes, the manager brought us out our sandwiches with apologies. We took these and went home because by this point we had been there over an hour.

We were opening our food, took one bite of the sandwich and what was missing? The sausage. Again. So my husband threw all the food in the bag, took it back and demanded a refund for the sandwiches. The manager tried telling him there was no way that our sandwiches did not include sausage, but my husband pulled them open and showed him. So, we did get our refund. One small victory against a restaurant that has stolen countless hours of my life.

I have been back there probably twice in the last year or so. Both times, they have made one small error or another, but they were dismissible able to a point. However, my husband stopped there the other night to get dinner, and they forgot our fries, and charged us incorrectly for two of our combo's.

I have called their 800 number more than once to complain....each time I am greeted with a cold voice on the other end of the line that promises me nothing. They don't even try to make me feel better. Basically, Sonic Drive-In....you do not care about your customers. You don't care about their experience. You don't care that your name is attached to corrupt franchises that make you look bad as long as the all mighty dollar is flowing your way. I do appreciate you making my dinner decision easier, knowing that there is one less choice on my roster. Thanks for that.

Ten Wicked Short Stories in a Bar

..Fiction..

Part 1

He looked ashamed, and rightfully so. I stood from my chair, threw my fresh glass of wine in his face and screamed with as much voice and volume as I could muster, "You Asshole!" It hit me shortly after, that I had actually lived the scene in every good romantic comedy filmed since the 80's. I now understand why that scene is in every movie. There is a certain amount of accomplishment in ruining a new designer shirt with a cheap merlot. More so, when the shirt is on a jackass.

Feeling disconcerted but unashamed, I threw my purse over my right shoulder and made the most dramatic exit I would probably ever make in my life. As I turned to the door, I could even hear my own theme music. "Eye of the Tiger."

I must admit that it was hard for me to look back at the remaining patrons left in the bar. I am sure some of them may have felt that I overreacted. Especially the small Polish woman sitting behind 'asshat.' I'm pretty sure she got half of the glass of wine as well. I must say that when I did look back, it was almost as if some of them had just watched that movie scene mentioned earlier. Some of them looked shocked, the other half oddly proud...and some looked like they came into the story at the wrong moment.

I let the door slowly close behind me, and on that chapter of my life. She can have him. He sucked in bed anyway.

This is an Avant Garde Original, as seen in 'To Nowhere' and is not to be copied, all or in part, by any other person or entity.

My Interception

I am a 25 year old woman. If I had to choose an occupation at the moment, it would be homemaker(not by choice, I might add). have grown up opposed to anything that may be considered mainstream, popular, or mediocre. I am admittedly, a very against the grain kinda gal that may....or may not....have a little bit of a superiority complex about it, but enough of the psychobabble.

I married a wonderful man, who happened to have a very unfortunate football habit. Now, he didn't disclose the severity of this problem to me when we first began dating, but the signs were present. I remember him having a football jacket, and maybe even a jersey or two when we first met, but I just chalked it up to bad teenage fashion. Seven or so years later, I realized I had a tailgater on my hands. It started slowly at first, and then snowballed into this full blown passion. I struggled to acclimate to his new pastime, especially because I was the type of person that would trip football players or cheerleaders in the hallways at school.

After a year or so of fighting it head on, I slowly began to realize that these are the moments that can really define a relationship. I can either swim against the current, or find my way through safely. Thankfully, I chose the ladder.

It began with me, ever so slowly attempting to try to watch some games with him. Usually it would end with me staring at the wall, counting the seconds to end of my torture Even when I would watch it I had absolutely no clue what was happening. It was a lot of stop and go....people were running, and stopping, and tackling eachother, but that was about all I could piece together. I realized that in a country where one of the biggest sports followings is football I had managed to keep myself completely in the dark about how any of it even worked. I wondered how I had not even managed to catch minuscule chatter about the rules, or what teams were located where....I didn't even know more than two or three NFL teams.

The first couple conversations about it were me just asking things like, "how do you tell who has the ball?" or, "why are they giving the ball back to them?" I had no idea that they had sets of downs, or what determined how they got points, or how scoring worked.

The way that I finally did break into football is probably a funnier story, and probably a little more characteristic of myself. My husband's team is the 49ers. We were watching a game one day, and as usual, I chose to be a little cranky and defiant about the whole situation. I chose to cheer for the opposing team because it was the only way to make it interesting for me. That team happened to be the New England Patriots. It also happened to be the year that they nearly went undefeated(if you follow football at all you probably remember this). They totally annihilated. This is what they continued to do to all my friends teams until the end of the year. It is no secret that I prefer to be on the winning side of things, as I am very competitive in nature.

I managed to learn all the rules, and find things that I could be interested in about the sport. I now do not mind so bad watching football with my husband which is probably a good thing, because it may have gotten a little rocky early off if I wasn't able to find some sort of common bond to the sport. Moral of the story: Sometimes you gotta pick your battles. It is easier to give a little, to make your own life easier. Unless you like the Steelers. Then you suck anyway.

My Personal Truths of Life

I know every so often, people forward around cheesy emails with stuff like this in them, but these are my own personal truths of life. Some of these are not my own quotes, and some are a little bleak, but they still hold true to me.

* You CAN decide if you're going to have a good day or a bad day, but it's easier said than done

*The people you'll remember most, are those who hurt you.

*Everyone wakes up on the wrong side of the bed once in awhile.

*It's ok to feel completely overwhelmed sometimes, if only for a moment.

*Never trust an honest face, they are usually attached to liars.

*We will never truly "clean up" the environment.

*Everyone cries alone once in awhile. There is nothing wrong with it.

*You will grow apart from some of the people you love the most, and even forget about some of them and what they've meant to you.

*The greatest feeling is to laugh until you cry-and the flip side of that is that sometimes the only way to stop crying is to find something to make you laugh.

*You will never really know someone. Most people are lucky if they really know themselves.

*Life really is too short to hold a grudge.

*It's normal to want what you will never have.

*Whoever said "money can't buy you happiness" has obviously never been flat broke.

*Sometimes help will come from the most unlikely sources when you need it the most.

*Although it makes life hold more meaning to have a religious belief, doesn't make it right.

*Determination is the best quality to posses. With that, all others will fall into place.

*Even your best friend can betray you.

*Even if you aren't going anywhere, you should always dress up for Halloween