Exhibit B:
I find myself pondering the possibility of an early-life crisis? I am sitting here at my computer OBSESSING about how I want tattoos and more piercings and ridiculous hair styles.... wanting them more than anything else, like an addict to their crack pipe. What the fuck is this?
My rational mind grips to the idea that this is my natural reaction to the complete overwhelming nature of my responsibilities, but the more I rationalize it I find my angsty side arguing with my rational side.... it's very noisy in my brain at the moment.
I'm pretty much going to get my tats, do my hair and embrace my irresponsible self. She was way more fun anyway ;)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
My Adventures into Psychosis
Exhibit A:
So, everyone knows that I am currently in the middle of a full blown nervous breakdown (sorry to disappoint if this is new news to you). I'm in fairly intense therapy and have discovered a multitude of anxiety related disorders in the process. Apparently I'm slightly defective, to say the least.
Now... that being said it seems as though every step I take to feel better, I take two or three giant leaps back.
Today, I woke up a little late, feeling slightly icky (to say the least) so I brewed up a bit of coffee. I drank a couple cups and felt crappy enough I decided to climb back in bed when my little one took a nap.
My dream included all my friends coming over for a fancy BBQ. I realized I needed to go to the store and pick up a few things. To make a long story short I remember the dream as vividly as though I actually lived the moments in my dreams. To make a long story short, I was looking for artichokes in Dan's and had a complete panic attack when I couldn't find them. My quick paced heart woke me instantly, and I am STILL in full panic mode at the moment... reading through my facebook getting pissed off at everyone's status updates, feeling prepared to burst into tears at any moment.... probably doesn't help that I am out of medication....
Nevertheless... this is my awesome venture into insanity for the day. Just want to take a moment to give a big "fuck you" to all those who unknowingly, and unintentionally pissed me off today... for no reason.... ;)
So, everyone knows that I am currently in the middle of a full blown nervous breakdown (sorry to disappoint if this is new news to you). I'm in fairly intense therapy and have discovered a multitude of anxiety related disorders in the process. Apparently I'm slightly defective, to say the least.
Now... that being said it seems as though every step I take to feel better, I take two or three giant leaps back.
Today, I woke up a little late, feeling slightly icky (to say the least) so I brewed up a bit of coffee. I drank a couple cups and felt crappy enough I decided to climb back in bed when my little one took a nap.
My dream included all my friends coming over for a fancy BBQ. I realized I needed to go to the store and pick up a few things. To make a long story short I remember the dream as vividly as though I actually lived the moments in my dreams. To make a long story short, I was looking for artichokes in Dan's and had a complete panic attack when I couldn't find them. My quick paced heart woke me instantly, and I am STILL in full panic mode at the moment... reading through my facebook getting pissed off at everyone's status updates, feeling prepared to burst into tears at any moment.... probably doesn't help that I am out of medication....
Nevertheless... this is my awesome venture into insanity for the day. Just want to take a moment to give a big "fuck you" to all those who unknowingly, and unintentionally pissed me off today... for no reason.... ;)
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