Would You Like Fries With That?

While David Rochester was studying Bankruptcy and Civil Litigation at Harvard Law preparing to graduate at the top of his class last spring, he never imagined that he would return home, struggle to find a job and end up asking his clients, “do you want fries with that?”

“I have thousands in schooling debts that need to be paid,” Rochester noted, “Harvard isn’t cheap.”

Most law students end up with well over $100,000 dollars in student loans that must be paid upon completion of school. With the current economy, how are students going to pay that back if they are unable to locate a job?

David finally took whatever he was able to find, which ended up being “counter help,” at a local McDonald’s. According to David, he currently rings up orders, bags your food, and even cleans the bathrooms once weekly.

“I attempted to apply first with all the firms I knew, and even lowered my expectations by applying with firms that do not have the greatest reputation,” said Rochester. He ended up even attempting to take a job as a paralegal only to be informed that he was overqualified as a member of the Florida State Bar, and a resume that boasts a 3.98 GPA.

“It isn’t even that I was told I was under qualified for a position with a firm… it is just that the jobs aren’t out there right now,” he explained, “and I’m not the only one.”

Rochester went on to explain that most of the students from his graduating class he has kept in touch with are also struggling to find jobs in their area of expertise, and many are working at gas stations, low level firms, or small businesses.

“I understood that it would be difficult starting out. As a lower level attorney I anticipated that I wouldn’t get the best jobs out there, but I thought I would at least get something.”

With unemployment numbers soaring higher daily in most major cities, these types of stories become less, and less appalling.

Over forty-five percent of Miami’s residents are currently under-employed, according to the 2010 Census. This means that a large percentage of people are currently working in jobs that are far below their qualifications and pay rate they require to take care of themselves and their families.

“I’m trying to remain optimistic that this is just a phase, or that more jobs will become available as the economy improves,” Rochester laughed, “but I had a better job than this on summer break when I was sixteen.”

David said that he is still continuing to look for work, and has even began submitting his resume in neighboring communities and bigger cities. Until he finds a position available in his line of work he will be currently offering to upsize that number five at a fast-food joint near you.

Haha, gotcha. Please note that this story is completely fictional, although written in a journalistic format. The characters in question are not real, and are not based on anyone. All numbers, are purely fictional, and not pulled from anything real. In other words this article is just like Pamela Anderson... COMPLETELY FAKE. I just took the opportunity to poke fun at a few different things (satirically of course) in a new format.....You believed it though.... so what does that say?

Just a Reminder

Just a reminder, that I'm still selling my book, available on Blurb.

Ten Wicked Short Stories in a Bar by Ashley Loya | Make Your Own Book

Grand Theft Lighter

I’ve been ranting about this one for ages. I’m a smoker, so I almost have one or more lighter in my possession at ALL times. Even people that are not smokers keep lighters on hand for various things around the house. It’s estimated that most households have more than one lighter in it. I pulled all below amounts from reliable sources. I'm not about to put together a work cited document for my lighter rant, so you're just going to have to excuse my math and work with me here.

I’m a terrible lighter thief. I’ve gotten better over the years but my friends used to often tease me, saying if you’re missing a lighter it’s because the lighter is in MY pocket. It’s just very easy to borrow someone else’s lighter for a moment, and you keep it in your hand, toss it in your purse, or put it in your pocket as though it were your own. It’s almost muscle memory… especially for someone that uses a lighter multiple times daily.

So, those of you smokers… how many of you have stolen a lighter? How many have had lighters stolen from you? My point exactly. I have a hypothesis that lighters are the most stolen item in America. Some even change hands upwards of ten times. So… I’m going to make a rough estimate that lighters are stolen an average of five times. Some are stolen much more…. And some aren’t ever stolen at all, but I think five is a good medium.

The most popular lighter is the Bic Lighter… so I’m going to narrow my estimates down to Bic Lighters alone. About 60% of all lighters purchased from a convenience store are Bic Lighters. Now… Bic shipped about 1.2 billion lighters in 2009. We’ll go ahead and assume these were all sold, and to keep the math simple I am going to round to one billion. So, going off of my very rough estimate of five steals per lighter, that’s about five billion lighters stolen per year.

A trusty Bic is usually priced around two dollars each in most instances (2.19 at my nearest c-store). Given that information I’m going to say that total… collectively we will spend about two billion dollars on lighters in a year. If we are going to say each of these is stolen five times… that means that about ten billion dollars worth of lighters are stolen.

So, we have about five billion stolen lighters, adding up to about ten billion dollars total. Keep in mind… this is only counting Bic Lighters. So, this is only 60% of the actual deficit. So, really we’re looking at about nine billion thefts, accruing to 18 billion dollars of stolen goods.

Let’s put this amount in perspective.

There are typically, about a million cars stolen yearly and the most common stolen car is the Honda Civic (who knew?). A new Honda Civic is going to run you… about twelve grand. I am going to use that as a point of estimation and go ahead and assume that about fourteen billion dollars worth of cars are reported stolen annually. Collectively, this is about 4 billion dollars less than my (approximate) lighter deficit.

I guess more than anything this is just comical to me. I certainly wouldn’t suggest calling the local PD at two am to report your fancy new tattoo Bic pocketed, and I don’t want my tax dollars going to a lighter theft task force. Next time you light-up, look down at your lighter and take an extra two second to ensure the one you are putting in your pocket is your own. :)