OK....all this death is out of control. I know people die on a daily basis, but people I know personally, and famous people I enjoyed have kinda topped the chart in the last 365. I propose an application for dying. Here is my rough draft.
______________________________________________________
Name:
Age:
Sex:
Immediate family still surviving:
Do you have any chronic conditions leading to death?
Do you plan to OD? If yes, on what?
Do I know you personally? (If yes, skip to section B)
Are you a famous musician or actor?
If an actor, were you in any life changing, culture defining roles; a cult classic; or on SNL? (If yes, skip to section B)
If a musician, were you part of REM, ICP, or Kings of Leon? (If yes, stop application here, you're free to go, peacefully if you so choose.)
If you answered no to the previous question, were you part of a cultural defining musical group? (if yes, please skip to section B)
Thank you for your answers. You will receive a response as to the status of your application within 1 business day.
Section B
Due to the answers you provided, your application for death has been denied. You can reapply in 365 calendar days. Thank you.
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*snort* Love it!
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