My "Easter Egg" Hunt

I happen to own very few expensive things. I own a lot for someone my age, but not much of it is worth anything dollar wise. Other than my car, the most expensive thing I own (and also holds the most worth sentimentally) is my wedding ring. It also happens to be one of the smallest things I own.

I always take it off when I am doing dishes, washing my hands, showering or changing the baby because soapy water will make your diamonds appear milky, and obviously baby poop doesn't do wonders for them either...and I hate taking it in to get it cleaned. I am very careful with it.

I used to work with a friend who was always giving my shit about taking off my ring when I washed my hands or put on lotion. She was always telling me, "You're going to loose it, or leave it somewhere." It became a cautionary, "You're going to shoot your eye out" tale for my adult life. Now that I am home more often, I leave it off unless I am going out somewhere. "House momming" can be very messy.

A week or so ago, I was getting ready to head out to a nice dinner with my family when I realized....I haven't seen my wedding ring for a few days. Where had I last seen it? When did I last wear it? I had no idea. There were a few places in my house that I am usually sure to find it: The window ledge above my kitchen sink, the counter in the bathroom, my nightstand, or on top of my entertainment center. I began retracing my steps mentally and realized that I had not seen it any of those places. This was on a Monday, and I couldn't remember seeing it until the previous Thursday...and over the weekend I had about 30 people in and out of my house for a rather large party. Before the party I had gone through and "tweaked out" on my entire house....and I couldn't remember seeing it anywhere....I had also taken the garbage out about fifty times since then, and other people had been picking up my kitchen, and panic immediately set in.

I ran around to double check all the usual spots I would put it, but didn't see it anywhere. Unfortunately I was a little short on time because Paul was going to be picking me up in about ten minutes to go out to dinner. Paul also gives me his share of trouble about not wearing my wedding ring more often, so I just tried to keep in mind that I could look for it when I got home but absolutely could not let on that I was looking for my wedding ring because he would KILL ME.

Dinner was awesome, but all the while I couldn't help but to panic about the fact that I had no idea where my ring was. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. When we returned from dinner, I got the baby off to bed, being sure that I check around her changing table, window ledge and dresser to see if I may have left my ring in her room....but to no avail. At this point I realized that I was going to have to do some major digging to find it.

Now, searching high and low in your house while you are trying not to let anyone know that you're searching high and low in your house is no small feat, I assure you. I sat on the couch with my husband for a few minutes, and then casually announced I needed to run to the bathroom. I walked upstairs and began searching all around my bathroom sink, under the sink, in the garbage next to my sink and even went to far as to quietly sift through the kitty litter. No ring.

I went downstairs and sat back down for a few minutes, when I had spotted a glass. I got up on the next commercial break and took it into the kitchen, washed it (half assed) while I moved around every plant, and little tchotchke on my kitchen counter to see if it might have fallen behind it. My mind went back to that commercial where the guy drops the engagement ring down the disposal...and suddenly I wished I had cleaned my disposal more often. I reached my hand down there are searched every square inch with my fingertips. It wasn't there. I then got on my hands and knees as casually as I could and looked to see if it had made it's way under the cupboards. No ring.

At this point I began to feel completely overwhelmed with panic. I began thinking "Oh my God, I shot my eye out." I considered for a moment telling Paul I couldn't find my ring and asking for a little help. I then thought for a minute about the fact that he probably took it, and hid it to teach me a lesson. I went back upstairs and looked around his nightstand, but didn't see it there. I half expected him to walk up to me and say, "Are you looking for this?" and hold it out triumphantly, because this is something he would TOTALLY do. This is when I realized that if he had it, he wouldn't have been able to wait three or four days to do this. He would have asked my long ago if I were possibly missing something.

I looked all around my bed, under my bed, behind my nightstand, in and in the nightstand drawer. No ring. I looked all over the floor in my bedroom. Still no ring. My house was so big, and my ring was so small that it had become a needle in a haystack, metaphorically speaking. On top of this was the looming fear that it had been tossed out with the garbage, or accidentally pushed away where I wouldn't even begin to think to look. It was very recently that Jordyn had gotten my ring and put it in her mouth. If that wasn't bad enough, then I put it in a napkin on the table to dry it and we almost threw the napkin away with our dinner garbage. Add to this that my dog will eat nearly anything he could find. Could something like this be the reason I cannot find it anywhere?

I decided to give my house a once over one more time before admitting my defeat. I looked through the bathroom, the kitchen, down by my computer, around my garbage can, around my living room (which was really difficult because Paul was sitting on the couch) and returned one more time to my bedroom. I recalled when I was cleaning off my nightstand, throwing a bunch of my jewelry in my drawer and my jewelry box. I got out my jewelry box and untangled every necklace and very carefully looked all through it, but didn't find it. I then took 50% of the crap out of my drawer, looked down to a little tin I keep pins and odds and ends in....and there it was. The amount of relief I felt could not even be put into words. I really, almost cried a little bit. I put that ring on and marched downstairs with a smile on my face. He never even knew how close I was to getting the worst tongue lashing of my marriage....until I just wrote this blog. It's really funny though. Had to share.