Moved from original blog. If you already read my blogs before, you have probably already read this.
As most that are near and dear to me know, I have a completely ridiculous paralyzing fear of bees, hornets, wa,sps....and pretty much anything that can fly and sting you. I was talking to my mom about it today and explained it to her as how she would feel if she walked into her kitchen and there was a huge grizzly bear that was getting ready to rip her face off. That's how I feel about bees.
I remember as a small child, not being afraid of bees at all. It was common place to go play in the yard near sunset in the invigorating evenings of summer, and I remember there being bees and hornets all over the back lawn but it never even phased me. My Mom also keeps an amazing garden, and flower gardens that the bees love to come pollinate and the like, so growing up around bees was pretty normal.
I remember the first time I was stung. It was probably about seven or so years ago. I had left my window down and had just left my friend's house at about 1:00 AM. I was driving down the road and saw something crawling up my leg. It was really dark out, obviously, so I wasn't really sure what it was. My first instinct is to slap the shit out of whatever the hell it was....so I did. I was wearing these really thin stretchy pants at the time, because I was like 8 months pregnant and couldn't fit my sausage ass into anything normal. About five seconds later I felt like my leg was on FIRE. I was positive I was dying, and that there was something terribly wrong and I was just bitten by the hobo-widow fire spider.
When I got home I immediately tore off my pants thinking there was something still inside my pants eating my leg....there was nothing. I went out to my car to investigate and found a small, delicate little carcass of what used to be a honey bee. That's it. Just a honey bee. Just one. I'm not really allergic, but it swelled up to about the circumference of a grapefruit...not bulging out abnormally far....but I remember my skin felt like sandpaper there for about a year.
I am not sure if the fear originated there, or if it was much later...Paul and I had gone to Arby's. It was in the fall, because after that we were heading to SPIRIT to check out some Halloween costumes. We had gotten a meal, and it was a nice enough day that we just decided to park the car out of the way in the parking lot and roll down the windows and enjoy the afternoon. We were chatting, munching our sandwiches when out of nowhere, this hornet flies in my window! Now, at this point I am seat belted into my car, in a very small enclosed area with nowhere to go, and this hornet thinks he's going to be hilarious and pulls some matrix stunt and hovers three inches from my face for what felt like an hour(more like 3 seconds). I immediately let out a death shrill....to be heard for miles I am sure....it was a hyperventilating quick scream over and over....and then the damn thing flew back out. I sat there and cried my eyes out, like my life had just been saved. Paul, of course, starts laughing at me, and takes the opportunity to be a sweet nurturing boyfriend and comforts me. I truly believe that this is where my fear originated. Bees, do NOT respect your space, they wanna get up in your face, check your pupils, and decide whether or not they are going to emotionally scar you forever.
So....fast forward a couple years later. Let's set the scene with a nice spring afternoon in the avenues. Paul and I decide to go for a drive. I am in the passenger seat and am seat belted in. We have the windows down, wind in our hair. We stop at a stop sign. Bee comes in my window again!!! This time I don't think it got in my face, I think it got confused and tried to fly out the windshield, which of course it could not do. I respond by kicking my foot up under the dashboard. I had on flip flops at the time so I split my foot open, and it started gushing blood....and then I proceed to jump out of the car, screaming, in a residential area with a good amount of traffic. I am crying as well, of course. At this point Paul surely looks to be Ted Bundy or something of the sort to every passing car. He is yelling at me to get back in the car, while all the cars behind us are honking...and then the unthinkable happens....the bee flies out the car at me! It chased me about ten feet, until I am huddled in a ball, shaking on the side of the road. I finally did come to my senses and get back in the car and we were able to leave. Luckily, no police were called.
So, a few years have gone by with only small episodes of me being chased through the park, or screaming at the random bee that flies by, until yesterday. So, in this time, I have bought a new house, and had a baby which I am feeding lunch in the living room while she enjoys another gripping installment of "Elmo's World" when I see it...the biggest bee creature I've ever seen! It's like Waspzilla(which I did come to realize was just an average sized paper wasp.) My little baby is stuck in her high chair and it flies over her and me and lands in the window behind me. I am immediately torn between my need to stay alive, and my concern as a mother to protect my sweet child from certain death at the hands of my new foe.
I quickly pulled her highchair into the kitchen, cleaned off her face and decided it best to put her down for her nap in her nice, safe, closed room. After I get her down, I ran back downstairs to make sure that wasp didn't escape from the window. It was still there, which was good because I don't think I would've ever been able to go in my house again if I didn't know where it went. I armed myself with hairspray, a lighter, and a fly swatter and began the ritual dance around the bee. First, I closed the blinds so that it would be stuck in the window. I then went outside to where I could see it from the window and in true panic fashion tried to call every person I was related to, so that someone could come save me from the bee. I finally got a hold of my husband. Although he was very compassionate to my need, he explained he couldn't leave work early to come kill the bee.
At this point I am crying in my front yard, holding my bee killing equipment as if it were life or death trying to look around for any neighbors that may have been home at 2:00 in the afternoon. I remembered a pesticide that my mom had given me last year. So, I put everything down and went and grabbed that. I found a way that I could ever so slightly open the blinds to an angle where I could spray the bee, which I did, with enough pesticide to kill ten bees. I then ran outside and stood in front of my window waiting to watch the bee die. It took about 20 minutes. I was then able to enter my home again...and I squished it for good measure. The whole ordeal took about an hour but I emerged triumphant.
I thought that the wasp had come in from under my front screen door, so all day today I was very careful not to open my front door. I didn't even want to go outside to smoke. About the same time today, I had just taken Jordyn up for her nap and was picking up her toys when....another wasp flies from the floor up into my window. Same kind of wasp! My heart dropped, but I did feel a little more prepared to take care of it this time. I closed the window, sprayed the wasp, waited for it to expire, squished it. It only took me about 15 minutes this time.
About ten minutes after that, I come downstairs to get on the computer, already jumpy and what do I see? TWO....not one, TWO wasps on the floor in my basement. At this point I am sure my entire house is infested and I am never getting out alive. There was nowhere to trap them down there, so I finally mustered up the strength to spray them, and then squish them.
I did some research and found that it is pretty common to get paper wasps in your home this time of year because the hibernate as close to inside your house as they can in the fall, and then will accidentally enter your home while trying to get outside.
So....not sure how this spring will go for me. I just hope that today was the end of them because I am quite sure I will go insane if this continues. All forms of bees are just mercinaries that are plotting my demise, and attack with ninja skills. Wish me luck!
As most that are near and dear to me know, I have a completely ridiculous paralyzing fear of bees, hornets, wa,sps....and pretty much anything that can fly and sting you. I was talking to my mom about it today and explained it to her as how she would feel if she walked into her kitchen and there was a huge grizzly bear that was getting ready to rip her face off. That's how I feel about bees.
I remember as a small child, not being afraid of bees at all. It was common place to go play in the yard near sunset in the invigorating evenings of summer, and I remember there being bees and hornets all over the back lawn but it never even phased me. My Mom also keeps an amazing garden, and flower gardens that the bees love to come pollinate and the like, so growing up around bees was pretty normal.
I remember the first time I was stung. It was probably about seven or so years ago. I had left my window down and had just left my friend's house at about 1:00 AM. I was driving down the road and saw something crawling up my leg. It was really dark out, obviously, so I wasn't really sure what it was. My first instinct is to slap the shit out of whatever the hell it was....so I did. I was wearing these really thin stretchy pants at the time, because I was like 8 months pregnant and couldn't fit my sausage ass into anything normal. About five seconds later I felt like my leg was on FIRE. I was positive I was dying, and that there was something terribly wrong and I was just bitten by the hobo-widow fire spider.
When I got home I immediately tore off my pants thinking there was something still inside my pants eating my leg....there was nothing. I went out to my car to investigate and found a small, delicate little carcass of what used to be a honey bee. That's it. Just a honey bee. Just one. I'm not really allergic, but it swelled up to about the circumference of a grapefruit...not bulging out abnormally far....but I remember my skin felt like sandpaper there for about a year.
I am not sure if the fear originated there, or if it was much later...Paul and I had gone to Arby's. It was in the fall, because after that we were heading to SPIRIT to check out some Halloween costumes. We had gotten a meal, and it was a nice enough day that we just decided to park the car out of the way in the parking lot and roll down the windows and enjoy the afternoon. We were chatting, munching our sandwiches when out of nowhere, this hornet flies in my window! Now, at this point I am seat belted into my car, in a very small enclosed area with nowhere to go, and this hornet thinks he's going to be hilarious and pulls some matrix stunt and hovers three inches from my face for what felt like an hour(more like 3 seconds). I immediately let out a death shrill....to be heard for miles I am sure....it was a hyperventilating quick scream over and over....and then the damn thing flew back out. I sat there and cried my eyes out, like my life had just been saved. Paul, of course, starts laughing at me, and takes the opportunity to be a sweet nurturing boyfriend and comforts me. I truly believe that this is where my fear originated. Bees, do NOT respect your space, they wanna get up in your face, check your pupils, and decide whether or not they are going to emotionally scar you forever.
So....fast forward a couple years later. Let's set the scene with a nice spring afternoon in the avenues. Paul and I decide to go for a drive. I am in the passenger seat and am seat belted in. We have the windows down, wind in our hair. We stop at a stop sign. Bee comes in my window again!!! This time I don't think it got in my face, I think it got confused and tried to fly out the windshield, which of course it could not do. I respond by kicking my foot up under the dashboard. I had on flip flops at the time so I split my foot open, and it started gushing blood....and then I proceed to jump out of the car, screaming, in a residential area with a good amount of traffic. I am crying as well, of course. At this point Paul surely looks to be Ted Bundy or something of the sort to every passing car. He is yelling at me to get back in the car, while all the cars behind us are honking...and then the unthinkable happens....the bee flies out the car at me! It chased me about ten feet, until I am huddled in a ball, shaking on the side of the road. I finally did come to my senses and get back in the car and we were able to leave. Luckily, no police were called.
So, a few years have gone by with only small episodes of me being chased through the park, or screaming at the random bee that flies by, until yesterday. So, in this time, I have bought a new house, and had a baby which I am feeding lunch in the living room while she enjoys another gripping installment of "Elmo's World" when I see it...the biggest bee creature I've ever seen! It's like Waspzilla(which I did come to realize was just an average sized paper wasp.) My little baby is stuck in her high chair and it flies over her and me and lands in the window behind me. I am immediately torn between my need to stay alive, and my concern as a mother to protect my sweet child from certain death at the hands of my new foe.
I quickly pulled her highchair into the kitchen, cleaned off her face and decided it best to put her down for her nap in her nice, safe, closed room. After I get her down, I ran back downstairs to make sure that wasp didn't escape from the window. It was still there, which was good because I don't think I would've ever been able to go in my house again if I didn't know where it went. I armed myself with hairspray, a lighter, and a fly swatter and began the ritual dance around the bee. First, I closed the blinds so that it would be stuck in the window. I then went outside to where I could see it from the window and in true panic fashion tried to call every person I was related to, so that someone could come save me from the bee. I finally got a hold of my husband. Although he was very compassionate to my need, he explained he couldn't leave work early to come kill the bee.
At this point I am crying in my front yard, holding my bee killing equipment as if it were life or death trying to look around for any neighbors that may have been home at 2:00 in the afternoon. I remembered a pesticide that my mom had given me last year. So, I put everything down and went and grabbed that. I found a way that I could ever so slightly open the blinds to an angle where I could spray the bee, which I did, with enough pesticide to kill ten bees. I then ran outside and stood in front of my window waiting to watch the bee die. It took about 20 minutes. I was then able to enter my home again...and I squished it for good measure. The whole ordeal took about an hour but I emerged triumphant.
I thought that the wasp had come in from under my front screen door, so all day today I was very careful not to open my front door. I didn't even want to go outside to smoke. About the same time today, I had just taken Jordyn up for her nap and was picking up her toys when....another wasp flies from the floor up into my window. Same kind of wasp! My heart dropped, but I did feel a little more prepared to take care of it this time. I closed the window, sprayed the wasp, waited for it to expire, squished it. It only took me about 15 minutes this time.
About ten minutes after that, I come downstairs to get on the computer, already jumpy and what do I see? TWO....not one, TWO wasps on the floor in my basement. At this point I am sure my entire house is infested and I am never getting out alive. There was nowhere to trap them down there, so I finally mustered up the strength to spray them, and then squish them.
I did some research and found that it is pretty common to get paper wasps in your home this time of year because the hibernate as close to inside your house as they can in the fall, and then will accidentally enter your home while trying to get outside.
So....not sure how this spring will go for me. I just hope that today was the end of them because I am quite sure I will go insane if this continues. All forms of bees are just mercinaries that are plotting my demise, and attack with ninja skills. Wish me luck!
That is fabulous! I mean seriously, I made my husband listen to me read it! GIRL I may have peed my pants!
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